She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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