No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There's always time for handjobs
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize