that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
