i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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