I didn't shave. On purpose
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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