My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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