God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
