How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
