You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
