somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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