Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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