If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
