Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
