Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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