did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
