Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
