Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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