How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
