he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
