your parents love me but you hate me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize