im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
NoShamevember. You game?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
