Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Randomize