plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
