She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
false alarm, still single
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
