Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
