yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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