I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
