we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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