My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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