I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
