he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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