She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
