nut hugger
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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