it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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