Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
