He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He better not be in your backpack
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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