i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
