Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
