My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Two words: blizzard sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
