it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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