i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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