I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
