she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
