I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
