he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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