Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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