NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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