I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
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The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize