she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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