she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Randomize
