How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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