forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
