When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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