That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
