Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
