i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
