i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
