woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
