i jhust puked up my retainher.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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