Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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