i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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