Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize