please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
