Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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