it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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