i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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