We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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