She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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