Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
