Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
