were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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