i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
