I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
