no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Oh god it's open bar.
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