This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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