She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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