The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
